i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
only if we run a train.
done.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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