My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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