I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
