Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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