when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
