Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
as a side note pls kill me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
