fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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