yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I lost the right to judge tonight
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
