The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
