I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
