Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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