we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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