i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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