Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
