idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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