There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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