You work out of a Hotel?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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