every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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