I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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