a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
