i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The best revenge is premature balding
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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