Little spoons don't ask big questions
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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