bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
