Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
