This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
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Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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