You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
