i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
