We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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