You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
