You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
