You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
