if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
