so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
