i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
