The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
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I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
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I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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