Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
