I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
