Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
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