Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
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So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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