i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
