Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
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Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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