I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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