Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
