He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
