ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
