he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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