trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
