dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm jealous of your bromance
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
