Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
