its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
