Your mouth is God's brothel.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
