OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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