Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just high enough for therapy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
