yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
