just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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