Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
