good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
