He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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